a letter from God
At our last River Life Youth retreat, God challenged me to leave the weekend’s agenda blank. “Pray through it, pray FOR the girls, invite my presence…but don’t plan too much in advance. Wait on me. Ask me each morning what I want to do and I’ll show you the way.” This was uncomfortable for me, as I want to be ‘responsible’ and make sure I’m offering something of value to the kids who are coming. But I knew that God has a better handle on what each person needs, so it was better left in His hands any way.
Throughout the weekend, he’d give me a question for the girls and then say “Trust them to me. I’ll talk to them.” After an hour or hour and a half on their own with the Lord, they’d come back and debrief. I’d ask them to share what they heard from the Lord. “What did you wrestle with? Did you come up with more questions? What thoughts were running through your mind? What did you sense or hear from God?” Not surprisingly, God met them each exactly where they needed it. For one, there was a surfacing of anger and dealing with forgiveness from familial betrayal, for another, simply sensing the Lord’s pleasure at BEING with Him, making space to hear His voice. God prompted me to invite one of the girls on a walk, where I got to share the gospel with her for the first time and lead her through her decision to receive the gift of Jesus. God connected the dots in worship songs and scripture and the mutual encouragement they received from each other too.
Saturday night, after one such listening prayer time, one of the girls came back to the circle and read to us what she had written in her journal. She said, “I don’t normally do this, but this just happened when I wrote in my journal.” She gave me her permission to share with you:
My beloved daughter,
you are mine through every fault and every sin. Through every B grade. You are mine through every good thing every accomplishment. Through every 100%. You are beautiful, you are kind and lovely. I am with you even When you feel completely alone. I am with you when you are ignoring me. I am with you when you are in the mountain or the valley. I am with you when you have forgotten mygoodness and my promises. I am always with you. I Know you as my daughter, by name. I know you for who you are. I don't mistake you for your sister, your parents or friends. So stop comparing yourself.
I want you to feel the anger. Don't ignore it.
Don't shove aside your anger and your pain because you think others pain is greater. I care about your pain greatly and all i want is to pull you through it. Oh child Why are you pushing me away? I am not mad, all i want is to be with you. To spend time as my Child. I know you are busy, i know you dont have much time. But what if you slowed down, What if you stopped for a second. You Know, no one would get mad or yell. No one would blame you. In fact they might even tell you that you deserve it.
Rest in my presence my child, you have gone too long on your own strength alone. You are strong but you cannot do this on your own. Remember what you have learned, remember that joy you felt though it feels so long ago. That is my joy, that is your strength. Remember what i said to you Hold that joy tight. Don't let go of it. It will help you; promise. it will remind you of my promises. it will remind you of what I have for you. For do you remember what: told you? You, my daughter will do great things, you will go far and carry out my word. You say you want to spread my word now. But you have to Believe it first. You have to believe that i truly do know you by name. i know now is a weird time and time of change, but i have a church for you. I have a seat with your name written on it. I saved if for you and no one else can take it. Indeed for there is no other YOU. What i have for you is different than your entire family, but it is not better or worse just my plan for you… Remember you are my daughter, my beloved and i know you by name.
